You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
