Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
