My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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