Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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