Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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