O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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