theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
