Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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