Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
