hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
