My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
