my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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