update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
