You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
