areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
