Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
