false alarm. still invincible.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
