Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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