You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
