Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
