I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I could make wine with my vomit
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
