ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
