Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
