i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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