Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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