Having a random hookup so left but love u
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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