apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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