I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just pee around me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
