Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
