i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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