I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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