I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
