I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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