Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
