What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
