In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
