Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
