i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
