girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
