I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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