He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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