I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
