Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
