So drunk, too bad you don't want this
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
