Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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