I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
