my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
