So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
