but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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