What did we do last night that was yellow?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
