Everything about him screamed your future.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
