I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
