The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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