I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
